Dear Abby: My friend’s daughter is getting married, and I received an email with a link to watch a livestream of the ceremony. I was honestly hurt because I’ve never been encouraged not to attend an event before. (Her husband is an incredible artist. Would it be better to send him a livestream of others enjoying his work in person?)
Is it etiquette to send wedding gifts? I can understand not being invited to a small wedding, but inviting a widow to witness a touching and romantic moment spent alone at a friend’s house seems cruel. Am I too far removed from what is socially acceptable? — I’m not going to Texas.
For those who don’t go: If the wedding is taking place some distance from where you live, an invitation to live stream is probably an attempt to show consideration. Many meaningful events are live streamed nowadays, such as funerals and memorial services. If you find the ceremony depressing and don’t want to “watch,” don’t watch it. And there’s no need to send a gift. (A nice e-card congratulating the couple would be a nice touch.)
Dear Abby: My brother is married to a wonderful woman. This is their second marriage, and they both work, but they’re terrible at managing their money. We went on a trip for a family event and ended up not having enough money for food, a rental car, etc.
My sister in law heard that my daughters in law, a few close friends and I are going on a girls trip. She asked me to tag along but I don’t know how to politely tell her that I can’t come unless she pays for her share up front. It would be fatal to hurt her feelings. Please advise. — Western Responsible Woman
Dear Lady: Who paid for the meals and rental car that this couple didn’t have the money to pay for? Did they ever reimburse any relatives? If you don’t want to pay for this trip (that your sister-in-law invited herself), you need to muster the courage to tell her that you won’t under any circumstances. If her feelings are hurt when you state the obvious (you’re not spoiled), so be it.
Dear Abby: I’m a 79-year-old woman. I have a friend from high school who is five months younger than me. Weeks and sometimes months before my birthday, she reminds me that she’s a few months younger than me. These comments range from sarcastic to just plain mean.
I guess she thinks she’s clever, but after years of this, it’s no longer funny. What should I say back when she makes a comment about my big birthday this year? Basically, just tell her to stop. — Same Age, Florida
To someone my age: How about saying this, with a smile of course: “Oh honey, age is just a number. My birthday may be before yours, but you’re right behind me. I’m trying to hit that number before you get there. For now, I consider every day a blessing, and so should you.”
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
