This essay is based on a conversation with Bobby Kittleberger, a 37-year-old father and business owner from Staunton, Virginia. Business Insider reviewed his documented income. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
I have six children, ages 5 to 11, and I have told them that I will not pay for their college tuition except in very limited circumstances.
I have a degree in Computer Science but it’s not related to my job.
I actively encourage my kids to look at other options and think about what the ROI could be from going to college.
For me to pay for their tuition, they would need to get a job that actually requires higher education.
If they want to be doctors or lawyers, I’ll pay for their tuition. It’s a case-by-case decision. One of my daughters wants to be a vet, and I would support her financially and otherwise.
If I pay for their tuition, it will be a gift with no strings attached. I have actively discussed this with my four older children over the past year and they have responded positively.
One of the most interesting responses I get from kids is asking how they can make money now, and they are also more interested in what I do and what career paths they can take that require a degree.
My decision is not based on how much money I make.
Our household income, including my business, my wife’s job in education, investments, and other income, totals six figures, which is plenty for where we live in central Virginia.
My intention is not to make them more financially responsible. Not paying for college tuition might make them more financially responsible, but only if they choose or are willing to pay for their own college tuition.
Whether they go to college or not, I want them to learn to be financially responsible and independent by earning money.
The main reason to consider alternatives is ROI
If your goal in college is to earn a living and become financially stable, there’s no guarantee that you’ll achieve that goal. You may want to go to college for the experience, but I don’t see much value in it.
I think it’s important for kids to get away from their parents, but the power of the college environment in teaching this is overrated. Hanging out with classmates, lots of free time, a simple schedule with meals always provided, and no everyday bills like utilities and insurance doesn’t give kids a realistic understanding of what life is like in the real world.
I plan to encourage my children to live independently when they are able to do so for college or for other reasons.
Universities no longer have a monopoly on information
Nearly all the information we need is now available online for free, and fewer jobs require a degree. Some billionaires teach business classes at universities, but they share their information online for free or for a subscription fee.
If my kid said they wanted to be a software developer, I would sit them down in front of YouTube and ChatGPT and let them start learning.
My wife’s father got a degree in music and went on to become a very successful salesman. I have a friend who got a degree in communications and started a construction business. My degree is in math and computer programming, but I’m not very good at either. My career path is focused on web design, SEO, copywriting, IT, market trading and finance.
Everything I learned to support my family financially was learned outside of formal schooling, with the sole exception of writing, which I learned in high school.
My wife is in favor of going to college, but we’re pretty much in agreement.
My wife has a more positive view of higher education in general than I do, and is more concerned about the life skills aspect than I am, and we have talked about this many times.
She has a degree in public health administration and planned to go to nursing school but decided to start a family instead once she got married. She now works full-time as a teacher’s aide at her children’s school.
My wife learns better in a more formal learning environment. I’m the opposite; I learn better working alone. We also take into account how our children learn and what kind of environment they are best able to absorb information when deciding whether or not to get a college degree.
I’ve never seen anyone drive a really nice car, and I don’t associate that with going to college or having a degree.
I just want my kids to understand that going to college doesn’t necessarily lead to wealth, especially if it means taking on a lot of debt.
Children should think critically and analyze their decisions instead of just blindly thinking, “I graduated from high school, so it’s time to go to college.”
It’s up to them whether they go or not. As parents, our decision is how much financial support we give. My goal is to support and encourage them.
Want to share your story? Email Lauryn Haas at lhaas@businessinsider.com.
