I made all these decisions. My decision is to live as a writer. Bootstrapping the software – my decision. Every non-revenue-generating moment has been of my own making.
As an artist, I accepted that I might never own a Mercedes or Prada bag. As an entrepreneur, I accepted that, at least initially, I needed to put money into my business that could be a down payment on a nice house. I was prepared not to buy luxury goods or marble, and I accepted that.
And yet. What I missed then was how much I hated the consequences that crept up on me in middle age: earning less than my friends.
A group of friends forms a community, at best a kind of family, or a resource pool. At least for now, if I just join, the pool is smaller than if, say, my accountant friend joins. (Of course I have a better story to tell.) This is what bothers me, this feeling that I’m holding the group back.
A social psychologist would say, “Oh, yes, equity theory.” This means that we strive for fairness in our relationships and strive to balance what we get out of them with what we spend. In relationships, both giving more than you get and getting more than you give can lead to loneliness. .
My friends have overcome failures in their careers and are doing well, so they gave me very happy reports and just supported me. They’ll say, “Don’t worry.”
But there are standard exchanges that I would like to give back: a dinner party, a birthday present, a place to stay. In long-term friendships, as the years add up, the debt seems to increase, even if I’m the only one counting. They have something to offer me and I want to be able to offer in return. There are other things like vacations, fundraising dinners, and conversations that I just want to be a part of.
I dreamed of becoming a writer, especially a travel writer and journalist. I wanted to go out, experience the world, do things, try things, and live my life. Travel writer Tim Cahill writes, “Adventure costs money.” Throughout my career, the travel writing industry and publishing budgets in general have shrunk like an unplugged bouncy house. This has turned journalism into a side hustle, and most writers I know are looking to make money elsewhere. So now I’m a writer and a hustler: a coach, software entrepreneur, ghostwriter, teacher, juggler – my decision. This scramble resulted in a girl who had always wanted to make a living putting the brakes on the group’s plans. I am the person with the lowest budget.
I once interviewed travel influencers for tips on traveling on a variety of budgets. At that time, I followed their account and saw the following post: Please don’t do that. ”It killed me to see myself from that angle.
What’s unbearable is that being friends literally cost us the people we love. The dinner tab they picked up. The hosting they did. “Really, don’t worry,” they would say. They tell me they’re proud to be a writer. Aim for that. They say I’m successful. And in a way, it is.
A truth I often cite is that of the two essays I wrote that went viral, I received $40 for the first and $200 for the second.
As we grow up, we understand more and more how money cuts us into first class and priorities, what’s ours and what’s not yet, zip codes and carets. My plan was to go beyond that. My everyday reality is that I don’t like spending time here, as my ADHD makes me sensitive to rejection. If you earn less than your friends, it can feel like a kind of rejection.
If you earn less than your friends, it can feel like a kind of rejection.
Suppose you become an artist because money is not important to you. Then it will always be in your head. Perhaps you became an artist because you love beauty above all else, but then you realize that so much beauty is right at that door that you can’t afford to enter.
I have fantasies of “succeeding” on this big vacation and bringing all my friends with me. I meet them standing on the dock with open arms and a big smile on my face. “Can you believe it?” I say, we say, because I know how long I’ve been working and how hard it’s been for me and for them, and we is so ticklish, and now it’s so funny that I achieved it. If my software is purchased or my (as-yet-unfinished) novel is sold at auction, I can get a big, all-expenses-paid congratulations payment all at once to say thank you, thank you. , thank you. And maybe I’m sorry.
“You’re talking nonsense,” my friends would say.
Now that you’re in middle age, knowing what you know, what decisions should you make going forward?
I want to stand by my beliefs, but I have never felt so tempted to give in. Get a job as a communications manager or something at an AI sexbot company. At night, I fire up my private browser and sneak a peek at the salary range.
The entrepreneur in me says just wait a little longer. But what if I can’t make it up to them?
Paradoxically, here’s the problem. In the writing world, there is a bias against sales and marketing. I feel like I’m being looked down on in society because I don’t have money, but I feel like I’m being looked down on in a profession that requires money.
Recently, an article was published where I probably spent 50 hours and got paid $100. I’ve filled it with links to my (sorry for the use of this word) offerings. Every time I added a link, I felt like I was getting more exposure.
Am I trying to become a writer or trying to make more money? both. both and both. Yes, please click the link. I want you to do that. Let me know that. I love being a writer. I don’t like being bankrupt. My goal is to make good money. Click here now. sign up! Buy this! I wish we could become friends more easily.
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