Human life, including professional life, is like a journey. Some roads are smooth, easy and comfortable, others require sweaty uphill climbs. Sometimes obstacles must be avoided – swerving, jumping over or under – and sometimes the path forks. In such situations, a choice must be made. You cannot go both ways, because one option disappears in the other. Opportunity costs force you to make a decision, because you cannot join the queue and ring the bell. The costs are imaginary or fictitious, the roads not taken because you preferred other options that were more urgent or had a higher priority. The lie we are told and should not believe is to pretend that all situations in life are like this – that to achieve certain goals, you must give up other goals. It is not always the case, and it should not always be the case.
This dilemma is real and reverberates in our heads when we think about work. This dilemma is crucial in the lives of women who want to be mothers (and now fathers too) and who want to pursue a professional career at the same time. After a few weeks of maternity leave, bonding with a baby, nursing and nesting is difficult and, to be honest, sometimes seems unattainable. And that’s just the beginning. Children mean life responsibilities. Priorities change and realities shift. But that’s the professional world and the challenge is to adapt to the changes. It’s not about choosing one path and abandoning the other, but about organizing well and strategically planning to achieve it.
Work-life balance can be achieved if we are ready to make changes, broaden our horizons and create the conditions. We must start by dismantling the negative stigma surrounding this situation and seeing it as a privilege we want to exercise. We must start by breaking down the idea that children are a burden and a disruptive factor that hampers professional growth, because they are not. We must look deeply and set aside immediacy. It is about exploring the convenience and limitations that come with any situation. We must take advantage of the benefits that women receive when they decide to become mothers and overcome the limitations that make it possible to combine motherhood with professional growth.
It is true that thinking about the harmonious coexistence of work and parenting can sometimes seem too stressful or impossible. This happens because we are led to believe that it is a question of choosing between red and blue. The question is not to complicate, but to give it the right dimension, because oversimplification is unrealistic. But this complexity requires coordination and organization. So, far from complicating one’s personal life or hindering one’s professional performance, I am convinced that this duality enriches one’s life.
Becoming a mother means acquiring many skills. You have to consolidate them, make them part of your profile, make them a solid, solid foundation that acts as a platform to reach new levels. From the moment a child is born, we change. Our whole life changes: our routines, habits, etc. Adaptation shapes character. In professional life, we are constantly adapting.
Being a mother is equal to a management activity. It requires time optimization, creativity, management, negotiation and conflict resolution. It is as if suddenly two managements are merged and you have to take responsibility for both. This is very common in the business field. For the enormous task of being a mother, and to be successful in both fields, you need tools. Understanding this is essential to ensure that it does not become a burden or an obstacle in your career.
Of course, good judgment in the home begins first with us ourselves understanding it, continuing to demonstrate it and not giving up. Its potential, which is manifested in everyday life, must be utilized every day. For this, time and space must be respected. We need to change our attitude from prejudging and considering children as an obstacle to good work performance to giving them the opportunity to grow.
Sadly, the lie that mothers are not dedicated professionals, that they will sacrifice priorities for the sake of their babies and go against the company, has been perpetuated for a long time. This generalization does a lot of harm. Some women, mothers or not, are not given the dedication of their jobs, while others are. Moreover, child responsibilities go hand in hand with work obligations. Those who say that children are a hindrance do not realize that there are a number of issues that can get in the way of collaborators. They also forget that the members of our team have lives outside of work. People have parents, siblings, spouses, friends, because a complete existence is not limited to one domain.
Fortunately, today we can use technological advances to organize resources in our favor, align people who are focused on achieving clear goals, lead collaborators, and play as a team. It’s about exercising respect and flexibility. This benefits the organization. People who understand the process well and are high performers should not be torn between being a mother and their job, between the possibility of dedicating their life and their job performance. It’s a lose-lose situation for both. They lose the company by giving up their valuable goods, and they lose the company by quitting.
Unfortunately, there are still many women who give up their professional lives when they become mothers. The gender pay gap is real and can be exacerbated by motherhood. Many corporate cultures do not consider or respect the time it takes for women’s performance to reflect the changes that motherhood brings. Companies and society will benefit if you join us in taking on this huge responsibility.
It is time for society to prepare women to work while raising children. The level of demands that working women place on themselves overwhelms emotions and hinders continued progress. Any woman, like anyone who climbs the professional ladder, knows that she will face stresses and challenges. Some women who are mothers miss some trains and get off others. It happens. We try to make the day longer and see how much sleep we can steal. We don’t want to give up on having a family, but we also don’t want to stop our progress. We shouldn’t, but we have a choice to make.
It’s time for change. Companies are leading the way and have already started paying attention to the questions young women face when applying for jobs: Do you have kids? Are you considering having kids? Male candidates for the same positions never get asked such questions. Companies need to change their work-life balance training. They need to develop empathy. Sure, some companies are taking small steps. Companies need to set clear policies and stop responding ad-hoc. I think some organizations are trying to promote work-life balance in general, but it depends a lot on the boss. That’s not the case.
Motherhood is a natural time for women who choose it and should be integrated in a harmonious way. Motherhood is a characteristic of identity that must be respected and protected with the same intensity that our preferences are followed and our values cherished. Mothers should be protected in the same way as working students. Sure, there will be times when a mother is late because of an exam, or she may take the morning off to go to her child’s school’s annual festival, or she may drop her child off at school for the first time or accompany him to get his university degree.
It is a lie when they say that motherhood and professional life are compatible. It is a failure to discriminate against mothers who have given birth. It is a loss to deny opportunities to capable people who have families. We must cast off the veil, break down the barriers and stop believing all the lies that bring us more harm than good. Human life, including life in the professional field, is a journey. There are situations that present us with certain dilemmas. Motherhood and professional life are not. It is their imagined costs, the paths we have not taken because we believed that there was only one option, that should be erased from our collective imagination.
A lie we are told and should not believe is the pretense that every situation in life is one in which you have to give up some things in order to achieve some goals. That is not always the case, nor should it always be the case. We must begin by dismantling a lot of the negative beliefs surrounding this situation and start seeing it as a privilege that we want to exercise.
