Dear Abby: I’m married and in my mid-40s. My wife and I have a fulfilling social life and feel very lucky and blessed for it.
We have a great support system and great friends that we hang out with regularly.
These days, wives want to go to dance clubs, where most people are half our age. I’m the youngest husband in our friend group, and we go along, even though we feel uncomfortable.
I get weird looks and comments every now and then and it makes me feel awkward being there.
We’ve discussed this amongst ourselves and agreed that it’s a tough situation. We’ve also discussed how uncomfortable it is with our wives, and we’ve all received the same response: “Well, then don’t come.”
When I missed one or two appearances, my wife was cold towards me for the next few days.
She loves going to clubs with her friends and I don’t want to stop her from enjoying life, and I also realize that she feels more comfortable in that environment with me around.
It’s hard for me and my peers to feel like we’re losers or “too old for the club” even though we’re with our wives.
Am I right? Or should I just put up with it? — Supportive Husband from Texas
Dear Husband: No man is “too old” to go dancing. If dancing makes you feel weird, you and your friends should consider signing up for dance lessons (no joke!).
If you have someone with experience and patience to teach you, you might actually enjoy learning.
If you have a weak or no sense of rhythm, you should consider a different activity for the night your wife goes out dancing.
P.S. Your wife shouldn’t punish you for being uncomfortable about going to the club. Instead, she should try to help you.
Dear Abby: I recently had dinner at a restaurant with a friend and her friend and had an unpleasant experience.
I arrived at my appointment time, early in fact, and expected that they would be waiting for me in the lobby. They were nowhere to be seen, so I texted my friends several times to tell them I was there and to ask where they were.
I finally walked around the crowded restaurant to find them seated and eating their salads and rolls, they had already ordered their dinner, and I was pissed.
I felt it was poor manners as I was on time and could have at least waited until I had ordered and started eating. Again, I was not late.
I will never agree to dine with them again. What do you think about this? — Angry in the East
To those who were offended: I’m sure your friends were rude and you must have felt unwelcome.
If I could have texted them, they would have responded and let me know when and where they were seated. No wonder I would be hesitant to dine with those two again.
If so, there is no guarantee that you won’t be treated the same way.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
